Friday, October 23, 2009

Leno Obama Jokes

Actually, I’m getting kind of worried about President Obama. He hasn’t been on TV show for almost 11 hours. Is everything all right? Is he OK?

President Barack Obama told his Cabinet yesterday to insure that every taxpayer dollar is spent wisely. But there was one embarrassing moment when he had to explain to the Cabinet what a taxpayer was.

President Obama should get a big refund this year because he has a lot of dependents. AIG, Citibank, Morgan Stanley — all dependents.

President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. The Nobel committee said they wanted to recognize the president’s fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer.

Actually, did you see Obama the last couple… He was on six different TV shows pitching his health care plan. Now you know the difference between Obama and the ShamWow guy? You can see the ShamWow guy on FOX. That’s the basic difference. You can see the ShamWow guy on FOX.

Did you know the Nobel Peace Prize comes with a cash award? It’s like a million dollars. Actually, it’s $1.4 million. See, apparently, this is President Obama’s plan to finance healthcare reform. Keep winning these awards — the Nobel, the Powerball, the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes — keep winning these, and we can pay for the whole healthcare thing.

Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind.

Barack Obama is now denying that he is email pals with the beautiful actress, Scarlett Johansson. Remember that story? They were saying that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama were emailing each other. He says no, it’s not true. In fact his exact words were ‘I did not have textual relations with that woman. [My favorite]

Earlier this evening, Barack Obama’s 30-minute infomercial appeared on three of the major networks. … Now, if you didn’t see it, one part was a little odd. At the end, Barack said, ‘If you vote now, we’ll throw in a set of steak knives and a can of Oxiclean.’

You know, do you realize this is our first black president since the first season of ‘24′?

President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration.

See, I got to admit, as a comedian, I’m gonna miss President Bush. Because Barack Obama is not easy to do jokes about. He doesn’t give you a lot to go on. See, this is why God gave us Joe Biden.
(h/t Frugal Cafe)

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