Wednesday, February 18, 2015
"We can't kill our way to victory"
State Department spokeswoman Marie Harf suggested that “we cannot kill our way to victory” against ISIS on MSNBC last night. This flies in the face of literally the entirety of human history, through which, time and again, we have seen people killing other people lead to victory in armed combat.
But her dorm-room philosophizing did get me thinking. What if Marie Harf had access to a time machine? How would she have solved the world’s military conflicts?
“This is where we hold them! This is where we discover the root causes for their anger at the western world! This is where we alleviate their poverty and increase their standard of living, thus reducing their desire to wage jihad!”
“There is nothing impossible to him who will try to reduce the impoverishment of those in other corners of the world.”
“Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of equitable employment opportunities.”
“I came, I saw, I provided significant social welfare benefits and jobs for the Gauls.”
“When you set out to take Vienna, take Vienna. But first, consider providing the Viennese with employment opportunities so as to lessen their agitation and mitigate the need for taking it at all.”
“This war differs from other wars. We are not fighting armies but a hostile people, and must make old and young, rich and poor alike fat with material wealth in order to gain their support.”
“We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall give the Germans vacations on our beaches, we shall give them jobs in our landing grounds, we shall provide them with opportunities to work in our fields and in our streets, we shall give them places to live in the hills. We shall never surrender our commitment to the improvement of life for all!”
“No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by curing poverty in the other poor dumb bastard’s country!”
(A mighty thanks to Andrew Stiles for help with the images.)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment