The Latest from the Nanny State Vanguard

Scouts to no longer bring penknives on camping trips.

Scouts will now be a little worse prepared after they were banned from carrying their traditional penknives due to the fears of those in charge of health and safety.

New advice published in Scouting, the official in-house magazine, says neither Scouts nor their parents should bring penknives to camp except in "specific" situations.

Scouts have traditionally been taught how to use knives correctly, using them on camping trips to cut firewood or carve tools.

At one point Scouts were allowed to carry a sheath knife on their belt as part of their uniform although this is no longer the case. In recent years the Scout Association guidance has been that parents should carry knives to camps or meetings.

Next up: no table knives; rip your food with your teeth like your ancestors did when they were still in their pure 'natural' state. Let's not forget baseball bats (or cricket bats in England), you can do an awful lot of damage with those as well. Golf clubs and tennis rackets should probably go too. Aw, hell, why don't we just straitjacket the entire populace and put them all under 24 hour surveillance, for their own good, of course.