Am I Alone in Thinking...?

I am reading a very amusing little book called "Am I Alone In Thinking...?", a collection of letters to the Telegraph that didn't quite make the cut for publication in the newspaper. Here are a few of the gems:

SIR - I have finally come the the conclusion that my 73-year-old mother has become a born-again teenager.

She sleeps until all hours of the morning, never does any work and plays the television and radio far too loudly.

Her driving is atrocious (as is that of most of her friends), although she will never admit it or that she's ever in the wrong.

Her dress sense has stayed the same for so long it's actually come back into fashion.

Whenever I suggest something, she ignores it until one of her friends says exactly the same thing. Then it becomes a great idea.

Many of her friends drink far too much and they are nearly all on drugs (they would claim medical not narcotic - but I reserve judgement on that).

All in all, I think she's just at that "difficult age".


Anon
-----------------------------------

SIR - You recently recounted the story of a doctor who embarked on an affair with his receptionist. We read that when he was confronted by the cuckolded husband, he replied: "Me and your wife love each other."

I am struggling to decide whether I am more shocked by his morals or his grammar.

Nic Cookson

------------------------------------

SIR - If the fact that J.K. Rowling is scared of spiders is news, I thought you might like to know that my duck is sick and I think I'm running out of milk.

Kevin Mann

-----------------------------------

SIR - When Madonna moved to England she said she wanted to feel more English.

She is shortly to become a single mother with three children from different fathers. Job done, then.

H.B.

-------------------------------------

SIR - Your front-page picture of Kate Winslet with a plunging neckline being up for two golden globes was most apposite.

K.J.K.

-------------------------------------

SIR - After a lengthy debate about your "Free bird care pack for every reader worth £20", I persuaded my wife that I am worth £20 and she has allowed me to send for it.

Bob Rundle